by Leigh Cowart
2021 (PublicAffairs)
For some, kink can feel overwhelming, like attempting to navigate an intriguing yet foreign world. There´s a lot to learn, and kinksters possess distinct codes and customs, just like any other community. Maybe the vocabulary can seem elusive, especially if one does not yet know how to distinguish between accurate information and those which are suspect. Where should one to begin to just learn some of the language.
If one is curious about masochism--defined as "deriving sexual pleasure from being subjected to pain, physically or emotionally," in the Encyclopedia of Kink and BDSM--then I can think of few better places to start than the exceptional book Hurts So Good: The Science and Culture of Pain on Purpose. Its author, Leigh Cowart, quickly proves to be an ideal guide: the subject is on masochism, but they take the reader on a journey that goes far beyond paddles, whips, and other limiting stereotypes. In addition to personal stories, Cowart speaks in-depth with scientists and researchers who study pain for a living; they also speak with a rich tapestry of folks from all walks of life who enjoy various things that hurt a little or a whole hell of a lot. The result is an inquiry which broadens our understanding of pain--its importance in our everyday lives for survival, how it pervades so many activities throughout our culture, and how everyone just might have a little bit of the masochist within us, not just those who engage in consensual play within a BDSM scene. In short, Hurts So Good is a terrific book--informative, sprawling, and fun.
Cowart is a gifted writer, and their prose posesses an infectious enthusiasm at a level matched only by her mind´s tireless curiousity. Chapter by chapter and as one example is cited after another, one cannot help but get got up in their excitement as the book traverses history, science, and culture in a quest to learn more about pain.
Early on in the book, Cowart makes the crucial distinction between suffering--the involuntary hardship and nonconsensual harm that many people experience--and the kind of pain Hurts So Good is interested in. While masochistic expressions of kink activities such as being spanked with a paddle or having one´s nipples clamped between metal teeth are obvious examples of "pain on purpose", Cowart expands her lens to go beyond BDSM to include a host of activities that the general public may find more familiar and identify with. These include the exceptional physical demands of training as a ballet dancer, as well as their reporting on the Herculean "ultra-marathons" where runners literally run for days in a row, virtually non-stop; from body-piercings (including a particularly intense description of someone choosing to get their tongue split in half) to an annual chili pepper-eating contest (with levels of heat that made me perspire just reading about). Cowart´s writing gives the reader an in-depth opportunity to listen to these kinds of stories up close, and to not dismiss them as "extreme". Instead, Hurts So Good makes a convincing argument that these activities and experiences are part of a broader spectrum.
In addition to these "case studies", Cowart also repeatedly speaks to a number of scientists about this elusive subject. What is pain, they ask, and why do so many people choose to engage in strenuous and difficult activities that exact such a high toll on the body? Just as when they were speaking with someone studying a particularly demanding martial art, or sharing with the reader some of the etymological roots of "masochism" and "sadism", Cowart is able to articulate complex thoughts surrounding pain receptors and neurotransmitters, and make them accessible to non-scientists. Hurts So Good never talks down to its reader, nor does the book leave anyone behind. The writing welcomes each reader in to a vigorous and lively discussion, creating a truly remarkable democratizing effect that is rare and commendable.
In addition to revealing their sharp intellect and fervor for the subject matter, Cowart also reveals some sensitive details from their own personal story. Their sharing about their history with an eating disorder is informative, sensitive, and courageous. Towards the conclusion of the book, they also include a personal episode during the early days of the covid-19 lockdowns of 2020 which are particularly moving. As is appropriate for their book´s subject matter, Cowart is unafraid to reveal a significant portion of herself while documenting their discoveries and conclusions surrounding this complex subject.
Hurts So Good is an excellent book structured by a talented and vibrant writer. Strongly recommended!
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